something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
