HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
