Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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