I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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