he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
