After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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