There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
