Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
