I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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