I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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