if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i came on her dog
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
