From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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