Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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