maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I have feelings that need drinking.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
