There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
