just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
