I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
