We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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