It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he shaved USA in his pubs
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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