Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
