New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
