i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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