Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
