my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
