You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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