i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
