I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
