Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
