Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
