Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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