You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
