Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
