He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Randomize
