Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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