you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
