Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
