His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
