He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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