Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
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