Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
