the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
