Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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