we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
