It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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