you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You pole danced in your parka.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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