I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
