Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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