Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
