do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
