Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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